Myth, legend? Who was actually crucified?

I think women came out of this crucifiction rather badly i.e. Mary as the Virgin mother was pure and her love unconditional, then there was the prostitute Mary, apparently a platonic relationship there. But as it happens the rest of us who aren't capable of a virgin delivery and who haven't yet been driven onto the streets - 80% to 90% fall into some odd category between a slut and a virgin. At one stage being a witch was a fahionable alternative apparently - perhaps I should draw in a small fire at the base of the cross?

I really wanted to transfer an image of Hermes (mythical? messenger of the Gods) in the bottom left of the picture but it all became too awkward.